10 Status Message of the Day

I put the "ass" in passive aggressive. But you'd know that if you ever bothered to pay attention.

No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.

thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.

Ctrl+V...Ruining every sense of originality since its invention.

Thinks that you should've been swallowed at conception.

never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

For some of you that habitually change your relationship statuses, Facebook should offer an "is being played by _________" option.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Facebook needs to add "still banging my ex" as a relationship status option.

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