10 Status Message of the Day

watching his 401k descend like a drug addled hooker with vertigo.

Whats the difference between a wife and a prostitute? One's on contract,the other's pay-as-you-go.

Suggested cough medicine flavor: gazpacho.

It only takes me ONE beer to get drunk: Not sure if it's the 8th or 9th one tho.

You know who's going to take the title between the Celtics & Lakers......Football season that's who.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio.

Going nite nite... if you see me in your dreams don't forget to say hello.

discovered today that goldfish do not like jello.

thinks Sesame Street should keep Katy Perry and ban Elmo.

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