10 Status Message of the Day

just passed a Liopleurodon on her way to Candy Mountain.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Parachute for sale. Used once. Never opened. Small stain.

Remember Jesus died for our sins, so if you aren't sinning, he died in vain.

has the brains of a horse and is hung like Einstein.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

That O-line gives up more sacks than Jenna Jameson takes in the chin.

If someone calls me fat, I don't get angry. I just turn the other chin.

Anyone who says onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.

Dear Scissors, I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin.

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