10 Status Message of the Day

If you have to have a job as host of are you smarter than a fifth grader. Then you just might be a terrible comedian.

Heard on the news, while hunting for Easter eggs the kids found a body, can you imagine nexy year when mom says come on lets see what the Easter Bunny brought you. I Picture kids screaming and crying, hell I would peobaly never celebrate Easter again.

Peter Griffin is clearly half Irish and half Ballchinian.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian.

If you die in a jihad, you get 70 virgins. Unfortunately, they're all Persian.

Since the world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.

Just bought a rape whistle and ky. If the whistle doesn't work, I need a back up plan.

I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.

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