10 Status Message of the Day

will be home late for supper. I'm going to a ho-down and I cant leave until she get's back up.

Yeah, its nice you wanna tell me about yourself, your life is an open book. But how about we skip to the chapter where we hook up.

My friend said he couldn't tell if it was a compliment or an insult that a hot chick only wants to hook up with him, but not date seriously. On one hand, she is just using you for sex. On the other hand, shut the hell up.

Just put my hands in the freezer to warm them up.

Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.

A smile is like tight underwear... it makes your cheeks go up.

I'm so glad my car has that alarm for when I don't have my seatbelt on that reminds me to turn my radio up.

Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

To hell with syncing the Titanic... I named my iPhone "ass" so I could back that ass up.

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