10 Status Message of the Day

the moonwalk part of the field sobriety test? If not this dude is totally wasted!

thank you for the thousands and thousands of reminders letting me know what today is. Good job Thanks!! Keep me posted!

Whatever hits the fan . . . never gets evenly distributed!

So you need some excitement in her life? Go buy a pet hippo or badger. Problem solved!

After much thought and careful consideration, I have come up with a solution to Afghanistan. Instead of sending 40,000 more troops, let?s send 40,000 bears.They will naturally migrate to the caves and eat the terrorists hiding out there.Problem Solved!

once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!

Do you know where the nearest phone booth is located? Just I thought, Superman is screwed!

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!

I read at the end of the 20th century all Blacks were offered exodus from US slavery the only requirement was a boat ride back to Africa. But we know how blacks feel about water, ergo: they stayed!

Despised or idolized... either way I'm recognized!

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