Your medical tests are in. You...

Your medical tests are in. You're short, fat, and bald.

~Tom Wilson~

You don't get ulcers from what...

You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you.

~Vicki Baum~

You can't lose weight without ...

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise. I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did. Drag your lips around the block once or twice.

~Gary Owens~

Whenever I feel like exercise,...

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

~Robert M. Hutchins~

When the head aches, all the b...

When the head aches, all the body is the worse.

~English Proverb~

When it comes to eating right ...

When it comes to eating right and exercising, there is no "I'll start tomorrow."  Tomorrow is disease.

~Terri Guillemets~

When a man is ill his very goo...

When a man is ill his very goodness is sickly.

~Friedrich Nietzsche~

What some call health, if purc...

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.

~George Dennison Prentice, Prenticeana, 1860~

What linguistic genius set up ...

What linguistic genius set up the sneeze and wheeze To rhyme so very perfectly with the word for allergies

~ Charlie N. Abbers~

We drink one another's health ...

We drink one another's health and spoil our own.

~Jerome K. Jerome~

We are usually the best men wh...

We are usually the best men when in the worst health.

~English proverb~

Water, air, and cleanliness ar...

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacopoeia.

~Napoleon I~

To improve your memory, lend p...

To improve your memory, lend people money.

~Anonymous~

To feel keenly the poetry of a...

To feel keenly the poetry of a morning's roses, one has to have just escaped from the claws of this vulture which we call sickness.

~Henri Frederic Amiel~

To avoid sickness eat less; to...

To avoid sickness eat less; to prolong life worry less.

~Chu Hui Weng~

Those obsessed with health are...

Those obsessed with health are not healthy; the first requisite of good health is a certain calculated carelessness about oneself.

~Sydney J. Harris~

They say the Japanese don't ex...

They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case, why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?

~Wendy Morgan~

They claim red meat is bad for...

They claim red meat is bad for you.  But I never saw a sick-looking tiger.

~Chi Chi Rodriguez~

There's lots of people in this...

There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

~Josh Billings~

There must be something to acu...

There must be something to acupuncture - after all, you never see any sick porcupines.

~Bob Goddard~