10 Status Message of the Day

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. �You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?� she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, �I didn�t know there were any witnesses. Now I�ll have to kill you too.

Misspellings suck. Sent an e-mail to my mom telling her I was bbq'ing and gonna have fun this weekend with my "cook" out. I misspelled "cook"...And...Well...Now my mom thinks I'm a perv too.

I'm putting out my own sex tape. Sure, it's only duct tape, but you can use it for sex too.

so happy it's finally Hump Day! Oh, and I'm pretty excited it's Wednesday too.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

If you're not drinking falcon blood out of a boar's skull, .....we don't want to see your tribal tattoo.

The phrase "This sh*t is bananas" probably originated from the guy who had to clean out the monkey cage at the zoo.

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo.

My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

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