You need that guy like a giraf...

You need that guy like a giraffe needs a strep throat.

~Ann Landers~

You might try doing what my fo...

You might try doing what my folks did. Twice a week they would go out for a special meal. . . with wine, good food, and soft lighting. Dad took Tuesday and Mom took Thursday.

~Anonymous~

You may marry the man of your ...

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

~Roseanne Barr~

You can easily tell he's a new...

You can easily tell he's a newlywed, because he's still smiling at his mother-in-law.

~Elmer Pasta~

Wives are people who feel they...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

~Groucho Marx~

When you see a married couple ...

When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.

~Helen Rowland ~

When my wife was asked, ""Do yo...

When my wife was asked, ""Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ."" she answered, ""For richer.""

~Anonymous~

When I met Jean, I felt God re...

When I met Jean, I felt God reach down out of the sky, pull my hair, and say, ""This one, dummy.""

~Richard Atcheson~

When I married Mr. Right, I di...

When I married Mr. Right, I didn't know his first name was Always.

~Anne Gilchrist~

When a man brings his wife flo...

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

~Molly McGee~

What do you call a woman who k...

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

~Anonymous~

We've never been happier. Thin...

We've never been happier. Things are great. . . I just don't go into her part of the house.

~Buddy Hackett~

We're having a little disagree...

We're having a little disagreement. What I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception, and what he wants is to break off our engagement.

~Sally Poplin~

We split up over religious dif...

We split up over religious differences - she worshiped money . . . and I didn't have any.

~B. J. Cole~

We never get sick of each othe...

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

~Roseanne Barr~

We have found that the best wa...

We have found that the best way for our marriage to work is to let me make the big decisions and my wife the small ones. With this system, I'm noticing, there are usually no big ones.

~Tom Kardashian~

True love comes quietly, witho...

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

~Erich Segal~

This is a perfect pair - he's ...

This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill.

~Anonymous~

They were married for better o...

They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

~Anonymous~

The man who boasts he never ma...

The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.

~Anonymous~